Choose Once Again
Updated: Apr 15, 2022
I have never gone looking for a new teacher or teaching. They have always found me, in what I now understand to be an act of Grace, of Love continually extending itself to show me a way out of the many rabbit holes I had dug myself into with my many fears.
In the early days, it was the books of Neale Donald Walsch, Deepak Chopra, Gary Zukav and more. Anything that spoke of God as Love I resonated with. Although I tried, I couldn't get into any teaching that involved visualizations, invocations or decrees, mainly because I couldn't stick with them and they always felt forced. I dabbled in numerology, astrology, crystals, colour and sound healing... but nothing that ever lasted.
When the mystical teachings of White Eagle came into my life at the end of our Jerusalem pilgrimage, it introduced the teachings of Jesus in ways that immediately felt universal, familiar, almost “new-age”. I understood that the Way of Love Jesus taught required walking through my many fears and trying to see the same Light (Universal Christ) in my brother as exists in me because we were created by the same "Father". I believed my only practice was to keep opening my heart to the Christ and letting go of the fear; in so doing, I would contribute to love and peace in the world.
I experienced many moments of peace, of course, but still judged and blamed those who I believed were sowing division and hatred rather than building peace and harmony. I still railed against what I saw as injustice, and believed I needed to "fight" for peace and "resist" anything or anyone opposing peace.
When Ho'oponopono came into my life, I saw it as just another tool in my toolkit to help me be at peace, nothing more. Even though the teaching clearly states that I am 100% responsible for everything I see and experience in my world, I didn't take it to mean the WHOLE world; just my personal relationships. I certainly wasn't responsible for the wars, the famines, the poverty, the inequalities, the "injustices", the killings... but the teaching was clear:
If it's in my experience, it's because I put it there (often unconsciously) with my own thoughts, beliefs, judgments, resistance, interpretations of events, fears, guilt, shame and all the hidden memories and traumas from my past that I was merely repeating (like a program on auto-repeat), unaware and unwilling to look at myself as the CAUSE of what I was experiencing, while the world was the resulting EFFECT, playing out before my eyes what was already in my mind. All I had to do was recognize that this was an error in my thinking and give it to Source (God) who will correct it (or clear it), transforming it back to love (which is the only truth).
Of course I didn't accept it! Not at first. I only kept practicing because I saw how it brought peace to some conflictive situations in my life. I still believed I was doing all the "right" things to bring peace and harmony to the world (how noble! 😊) while "everyone else" was to blame for its messes. I still saw myself as separate from the world.
This separation between me and the outside world is what the Course (A Course in Miracles) bridges.
It reinforces Ho'oponopono (it all begins in my mind) and White Eagle (Love is only truth), but goes one step further.
It asserts that this world that feels so real, that seems so solid to the touch, with bodies of flesh and bone that bleed and suffer and die…is nothing more than an illusion, not at all real, fabricated by a dreamer who doesn’t even realize he is sleeping.
Although many teachings speak of the world as illusion or maya, I always took it as being metaphorical; but the Course is unequivocal on this point, with logic and reasoning impossible to deny. From the first page in the Introduction, it says:
“Nothing real can be threatened.
Nothing unreal exists.
Herein lies the peace of God.”
I wanted to deny it. That’s why I kept putting the book down. I wanted to keep believing that God created all the difficulties of this world "for a loving purpose" that had nothing to do with me, and that my only function was to allow Love to flow through me and nothing else.
In truth, that IS my only function; but I can't fulfill it while I harbor even the tiniest thought that isn't loving towards myself ***AND*** my brother.
It’s comforting to know that I am loved, that I am whole, perfect and holy as a Child of God. It's (eventually) easy to believe and even accept... for myself.
To accept that my brother is loved as fully and as equally as me, and to look upon him with the same love that God looks upon me, overlooking all that he says or does to the truth I share with him as the same Child of God...is another matter.
Think of one person who pushes all your buttons, and then look beyond all they say and do, beyond their physical appearance, and see nothing but the Light and Perfection that you both are…THAT’S what the Course is teaching, and where it is leading you.
THAT is the Christ Vision:
An idea of Love that remains unchanged by whatever I think I see.
It’s not even about opening my mind to new ideas. It’s about surrendering it completely because all of its ideas of itself, of others and of the world are wrong.
You can imagine my resistance at being reminded over and again that I know nothing. That my thoughts mean nothing. That I don’t understand the meaning of anything I see, including my body. That I don’t see things as they are now, but only see the past…and that’s just the first ten lessons! 😄
It’s asking me to deny all my senses and look upon them as the most unreliable witnesses to what I’m experiencing.
The wars, murders, killings? A wrong idea I have that I am separate from my brother and that he can actually hurt me. We in truth love each other.
Sickness, disease, death? A wrong idea of Who I am. I am not a body, but the Holy Son of God Who knows only Perfection and Life.
The need to work to survive, compete with others for limited resources, get ahead? A wrong idea that I am vulnerable, weak, unsafe, alone in a dangerous world where I have to defend myself. The truth is I am, in every instant, with God who created me-us Whole with all His attributes.
Fear, worry, anxiety, depression? The result of believing the lie that I am separate from Love.
I now completely understand why so many people literally throw this book out the window! But truth is undeniable; which is why I picked it up again.
“Choose once again,” is probably one of my favourite phrases.
I am learning to see with the Christ Vision; to look beyond the body and keep in my mind the One Thought that my brother and I (along with ALL life) are joined in Love, Peace, Joy. When I interact with others, I practice keeping that Thought (Vision) paramount, and give to Spirit the smallest unloving thought for correction. I am learning to distinguish the Voice of Spirit (which always comes with calm certainty) from my chattering mind and to follow Its Guidance alone for what is mine to do in my journey back to the awareness of my Oneness with all.
As I say, this is practice. And I keep practicing because it brings me peace and a feeling of connection that is beyond anything I have ever experienced. I think this may have been what Jesus meant when he said:
“I am in the world, but not of the world.”
Thanks for walking with me today.